In honor and respect to the blog "The Kitchen Table" by Princeton professors and wise goddesses, Melissa Harris Lacewell and Yolanda Pierce, goddess sparkle of Incredible JuJu and myself are engaging in an ongoing dialogue addressing intimate partner violence in light of the Rihanna and Chris Brown situation.
sparkle,
It's 3 days into this Rihanna and Chris Brown debacle and we've already seen people at their best and worst. The details that come out of the case are more and more disturbing. It makes me wanna cry for these young people and their fans. I am saddened for Rihanna, especially because she has to attempt to heal in the midst of this circus.
I've been very interested, and troubled, in watching how this issue of violence is being covered. Initially the online comments about her deserving it, being mouthy, giving him herpes, being jealous, etc. were out of hand. Everyone was rushing to put their two cents in only knowing pieces of the story. What do we really know? That Rihanna is in physical, mental and emotional pain at the hands of her boyfriend, sweet-faced golden boy Chris Brown. Even I, quick to defend women, halted because it just couldn't be real. Nor could I stomach all the ignorance around me that essentially excused Brown and blamed Rihanna. I didn't want to believe it, I was comfortable with the smoke and mirrors. I also see how his upbringing in a violent environment, compounded with the privilege of celebrity, has helped create this monster. But now that we have more facts about their fight, which spurred from sexual texts from another woman, the masses are angry...well, generally speaking. The battle lines have been drawn but I don't feel like fighting. I want us to heal instead. Figure out how to stop the cycles. Speak candidly with young people. That's what this dialogue is about to me.
Clearly, there are more vocal folks who have other goals. I'm disturbed by organizations, businesses, companies, etc. using this story for publicity and promotional stunts. Case in point, WBLI in Long Island, is hosting a "Pre-Valentine's Day Bash" where they will be shredding pictures of Chris Brown and destroying his CDs, purportedly in support of Rihanna. Strange enough. But they are encouraging women who have been in bad relationships, violent or not, to come and shred pics and momentos from their old lovers.
Goddess knows that I've had some shredder-worthy exes. But "Join Rihanna's Side OR if you're unlucky in love," as the headline states below is straight insanity. Um, being unlucky in love has nothing to do with being in a violent relationship. There are plenty of shitty relationships that are completely peaceful so why are these people trying to incite some sort of destruction party playing on scorned women's emotions and the general backlash of Valentine's Day by many single and "coupled" people? Because it's a dumb stunt to begin with and it will be more likely to draw numbers if you can invite and incite disgruntled women trying to heal from bad relationships.
Note the press release. It doesn't offer stats on domestic violence but about divorce rates. Huh, divorce? What is WBLI doing to create dialogues about intimate partner violence? Are they talking to listeners and offering NYC and Long Island based resources? Spending time shredding old pictures and letters can be cathartic for many people but how is that a constructive use of energy, time and resources? A big thumbs down to WBLI for completely missing the point.
in solidarity,
jaz
(and if you think that this publicity stunt is wack, the contact info and details are below...let 'em know!)
Thousands of Rihanna Supporters in New York and Long Island Expected to Shred Chris Brown CDs and Posters for Pre-Valentines Day Bash.
JOIN RIHANNA'S SIDE OR IF YOU'RE UNLUCKY IN LOVE! THEN SHRED YOUR EX RIGHT BEFORE VALENTINE’S DAY IN NATIONWIDE PROTEST!!!
New York is having a “Shred Your Ex” party the day before Valentines Day. Radio Station WBLI has invited members of Rihanna's Fan Club and other fans across the nation to join the pop star's side along with others who are “unlucky in love.”
According to Nancy Cambino, the station's operations manager, “Valentine's Day should stand for love so we find it fitting to make the Friday the 13th right before Valentine’s Day a day for revenge for those who were unlucky in love. Whether you're a Rihanna fan or not, we can all empathize with being with someone who caused love to go wrong.”
Statistically 40 percent of America will be alone on Valentines Day. Divorce rate is at an all-time high in the last few years, and radio station BLI wants to bring America together for a common cause.
WHEN: FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 13TH
10:30am
WHERE: THE BLI STUDIOS
555 SUNRISE HIGHWAY
WEST BABYLON, NY
Rhianna Friends, supporters, fans and those who were unlucky in love will be invited to come to the BLI Studios in New York on Friday, the 13th with photos, letters or other mementos from ex-lovers to shred in the wood chipper!
Contact: King Communications
TJ Scott 646-896-1128
2 comments:
This story in particular is very murky. Yes we know for the most part that he beat her pretty bad & that is just now right because is bigger & still a man but I want to know her role.
Before you say WTF! It must be known that women can be equally abusive. There was a counselor on News & Notes (NPR) today that mentioned both sides of the abusive relationship fence.
Yet and still I am not defending him or his actions at all, so please be clear on that!
Again the issue of abuse is murky & simply not black & white. The one thing that is clear to me is that no one deserves to be beaten. It is so much easier to use the door & get a therapist.
Looking forward to what others have to say!
Oh and that station is way off base. Someone needs to offer them a lesson of being with a loser vs being with an abuser!
Tafari
Thanks for your comment, Tafari. I agree and am well aware that women can be just as abusive. It doesn't happen as often particularly because of size and power dynamics between men and women. I also suspect that men who are being abused aren't comfortable with talking about being victimized or wouldn't report it.
When I was a teen, I had a lot of anger and used to hit and yell at my boyfriend at the time. I was horribly mean to him essentially as payback for cheating on me. I should have/could have walked away and recognized my problem, but it's always easier to shift blame elsewhere.
Although, I didn't have much strength to match him in terms of doing physical harm, like what CB did to Rihanna, I know it was still painful and crazy. In that situation, women can use gender roles to their advantage. Most people don't condone hitting a female...even when she is doing the abusing.
I'm fascinated by everyone's thoughts. This has opened up worlds of discussion. I hope they can both bounce back and get the treatment they need to heal. I believe in redemption.
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